I want to be honest and bare my soul and past to hopefully help you see what God has for you. I have been far from perfect and have learned plenty of lessons along this short but crazy journey.
When it comes to finding your man, your soul mate, your other half that God is preparing just for you, you need to get to the point where you are OK with just you! Where God is the center of your life and you don't NEED a man to complete you, but instead you would like a man to continue this journey with. When you NEED someone to complete who you are then they will disappoint you over and over again.
Proverbs 16:3,4 Commit your works to the Lord, And your plans will be established. The Lord has made everything for it's own Purpose.
Start this week on focusing on your main partner Jesus, make him your center and your husband. Commit your thoughts and feelings to him, tell him your desires and frustrations. Ask Him for help heal the areas in your life where you feel like you can't fix on your own.
I started off this way, afraid, confused, longing for love, but afraid of getting hurt. It started like a lot of other little girls, with a Daddy who was not around, he would be present a few times a year, just enough to remind me I had a Dad but also remind me how unwanted I was, how a man could make you feel such deep pain. At 7 years old I stopped loving my Dad and built a wall around my heart. I developed Daddy issues that it would take 12 years to deal with.
When I became a teenager I loved to be around men, I loved the attention, and the feeling of being wanted. I loved seeing what they would do for me, but never respected them, I was never mean, but I would never actually get close enough to be hurt. I loved games because they would not say no and would always come back if I pushed them away. It was a perfect set up, or so I thought. When I was 16 I dated an older guy that seemed perfect, I even let him get a little close to me, I opened up enough to see what it would be like to care about someone. I even did the one thing I promised God I would never do, I had sex before marriage. My heart sank, and I got petrified after, I knew I disappointed God and had to get out of this relationship before I really hurt myself or he hurts me. So I spent the next few years broke up with this man but still seeing him on and off over the years. See the problem with Sex before marriage is you really do give a piece of your self to that person. The biggest problem I had was that I did not seek God, I did not put God first, I tried on my own strength to figure this out.
When I met Darryl, I knew something was different, I knew I really liked him and we matched so perfectly, and that scared the crap out of me. He didn't do everything I asked, he had an opinion, but also respected me and adored me. We started dating when I was 19 and after a few months of getting close, I was really freaked out, we were emotionally getting close fast, it was if we were soul mates, love at first site, and everyone else in bible school saw it also. But I was broken, I had walls and all I knew was games, so I broke up with him the first time. I was surprised to watch him cry and find myself broken, how did I let myself get here so quick. But it was OK because that was part of the game now to get him back and fix that hurt I felt. When we had the talk to get back together it was different, I had really hurt someone I actually really liked, and he was not going to play these games, he was very clear that if I did this again he would not come back. WOW!!! I did not see that one coming! so we dated and grew, I fell so deeply in Love, but my problems could not be fixed by a man, and definitely could not be fixed while I was dating. After dating a while I did it again, the hardest thing I ever had to do, I did not know exactly why I had to do it but I knew I could not do this, I could not date this man when I was so broke and damaged, he was going to find out and dump me. Darryl is the hardest person to brake up with because he won't yell or argue, he ignores.. every time at church, youth, ministries, I would see him he would walk by without saying a word.
This is the part in the story where I want it to hit home :
I knew inside for the first time I truly loved a man, and as far as Darryl and I knew, I blew it! I spent the next year spending time with God, reading and praying, seeking him and finding out who I was in him. I dated a guy that ended up living with Darryl (that's another story) but it was God's way of keeping us around each other. I had to get to a place where I did not need a man, or a man's attention. I wanted a man to join me on life's journey here on earth, to be my best friend, and who will grow in God with me. You see, God could not of healed me while I was with Darryl, I needed to come to the place of hopelessness, of anguish, a place where I was ready to let God control my life no matter what happened. I truly thought I had lost the love of my life, but God knew that if I didn't make God the center of my life first, that I would never be content. I am now content with or without a man, because I know God is in control, his plans always work out. God put Darryl back in my life, we both knew and so did so many others that we were meant to be, neither of us thought we would be given the chance but we thank God that we are able to go on life's journey together, play these roles on earth as husband and wife, but most important serve God side by side.
I won't write so much all the time, I just wanted those who didn't know our story to get a glimpse of what God can do. Don't settle for less than God's best!!!!
Praying for my STING ladies God is working on you and your husbands!
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